Resolution report

Well, I’m not going to have any trouble keeping my new term resolution, to tell you more about school, this week. I’ve barely been allowed out of the place, and then only to eat and sleep. For, in addition to a fulfilling academic timetable, we have had to negotiate a packed schedule of school events and functions - every night.



School functions tend to follow a standard format involving a welcome, a Powerpoint presentation (guaranteed to contribute a technical hitch), several lengthy speeches, an entertainment item, an effusive vote of thanks and (if you’re lucky and still standing) refreshments at the end of the evening.


Before the working week had even started we were in school helping the Scouts to say thank you to anyone and everyone who had helped out on their Scout camp. Little did we know that this 2 hour celebration was merely the warm-up act for all that was to follow. On an island where very little ever happens it is perfectly acceptable to plan an event, announce it and issue invitations less than 24 hours before the event is due to commence.


Had I known what was coming I might have thought twice before spending the whole of Saturday planning, marking, and generally faffing about in school. For her part, Bella didn’t have much choice. As assistant co-ordinator of the Health and Environmental Club, her big moment, in the form of World Health Day, was imminent and banners had to be made. She spent a happy day lying on her tummy on the floor of a classroom making giant stencils with the ever-handy Scouts. There was just time to pop home for a fake-cheese sandwich before we were due back at school for a PTA meeting. It ran for THREE hours and was conducted exclusively in Dhevehi. I went prepared, armed with a good book. Poor Bella however, had nothing. We staggered home at midnight and crawled into bed, heavy with the knowledge that we’d be up again in just six hours.


Sunday morning brought with it tiredness, my normal Sunday classes and the news that my head of department had succumbed to a disgusting cold and was too poorly to teach. Cue a cover lesson for his Grade 10 class. In the evening Bella headed to school and so did I. The trouble with giving your students work to do is that you have to mark it afterwards. Legal addictive stimulants required to get me through day one: two coffees and a diet coke.


On the surface of it, Monday had the makings of a normal day but it was not to be. Having signed the substitution book at 6.50am, committing myself to teaching another of poorly Isaac’s classes, I made a dash to the power house on the other side of the island to pay the electricity bill. By break time I was exhausted and by lunch I was practically on the floor. Having received the news that Grade 11 were having a parents’ evening on Tuesday, Monday evening saw me back in school writing comments. Legal addictive stimulants required to get me through day two: two coffees, a diet coke and a nap.


By Tuesday we were seriously flagging. After a relatively successful parents’ evening on my part, and hours of World health Day planning on Bella’s, Sobah took us out for fried noodles, since we had no food in the house, nor the will to cook it. Legal addictive stimulants required to get me through day three: two coffees, a diet coke, two paracetamol and a nap.


On Wednesday morning we were up at five. Not content with a full evening of activities to mark World Health Day, the principal had decided to add an early assembly to the proceedings. By six we were assembled, by seven we were in the classroom and by eight most of us were ready for bed again. In the evening we rallied and came out in support for Bella and Sobah and their grand World Health Day celebrations. It was quite an evening. The event took another THREE hours but Bella’s Dhevehi speech went down a storm. Legal addictive stimulants required to get me through day four: two coffees, a diet coke, four paracetamol and a nap.


Thursday dawn and extreme exhaustion was mingled with relief. Just 5 lessons, a session meeting and two teacher English classes to get through before the weekend brought sleep. We were granted a reprieve from teacher English classes by the house volleyball tournament. All week Hamid and ‘Domenich’ had been seen racing up and down the island trying to coax gaggles of girls into some semblance of a volleyball team. House sports tournaments are taken very seriously and every house wants to win. Coaching had been employed with varying degrees of success and at one stage I’m pretty sure I saw Hamid with his head in his hands.


Opening night of the tournament was, of course, an event but one at which the shattered Bella and I could merely sit back and enjoy watching our school community hurl itself into action yet again. Legal addictive stimulants required to get me through day five: three coffees, more paracetamol and three hours of Gossip Girl.


So, you see? It’s been an epic week. The tireless energy of our friends and colleagues has been impressive and at times I think we’ve questioned their sanity. But we have survived and have never felt more a part of the school.


If I am still alive to tell the tale next week, I will impart more of the madness of Ihavandhoo School life. But for now, dear readers, it’s midnight and I’m going night fishing.


TTFN xx

Rats, rosaries and resolutions

The time has rolled around once more for another blog post and I have been pondering what to write about. I started to compose my thoughts in bed last night, which is always a bad idea. As the sentences took shape, so sleep escaped me and my brain kicked back into action. Not good with only seven hours to go until the alarm went off.

The journey back from Dubai was relatively uneventful, although my friend Fuad nearly gave himself a hernia carrying my two tonne suitcase up three flights of stairs in Male. Arriving back in Ihavandhoo at 1 am, I was just in time to bump into the Big Man and Beardy on the jetty and was roundly scolded by Beardy for not having phoned ahead to arrange a small army to cart my copious belongings back to the house.

For some time now I have suspected that the previous occupants of my bedroom were a family of rats. There have been small amounts of tell-tale evidence and a rather strong smell of rat wee. Two weeks without airing and the smell was overpowering, so upon my return I decided that the time had come to take action. I called for reinforcements and together Bella and I moved my extraordinarily heavy mattress. Suspicions were confirmed, for the floor underneath was littered with rat droppings – and a squashed cockroach to boot. Curiously, we also found a rosary down there – strange in an entirely Muslim country. Once we’d recovered our composure we cleaned up, replaced the mattress and Bella threw the rosary back for good measure. I’m pleased to report that the smell in my bedroom is now vastly improved.

Since then it has been all go getting ready for school and jumping back into a full timetable. A friend commented the other day that I never write about school. This certainly isn’t due to lack of interesting material or because I’m not enjoying it. So this half term I have resolved to tell you a little bit more about the madness that takes place in my classroom daily.

We’ve got off to a relatively good start this week. I decided to plan a mini topic on clothing and fashion but both fashion and western clothing are somewhat scarce here. Not to be defeated, I scoured our old magazines for Muslim-friendly pictures of models to use as props. Having run the pictures past the relevant authorities I took them into the classroom where they were greeted by a mixture of horror and delight; horror mainly from the girls and delight mainly from the boys. They have, however, served their purpose as today 10C, ordinarily a rather lively bunch, worked in absolute silence on their fashion articles for a grand total of 35 minutes, setting themselves a new hard-work record.

More tales anon but for now I must stop. The crows are making an almighty racket in the palm tree, so I’m off to find my air gun. Just kidding.

TTFN xx